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Husband Wife Jokes Latestsms | Husband Wife Jokes New 2019

         Latest Whatsapp Husband Wife Jokes

Wife ko 1 thappad maarane kee saja 1000 rupaye judge saahab ne sunaee..
tab santa ne judge ko puchha :-“dusara ek thappad maar du..??
judge gusse se :- kyo..??
santa :- kyonki chhutta nahin hai mere paas 2000 rupaye ka note hai.
:: Latest Husband and Wife Jokes ::
chor-tmhare pass jo kuch bhi hai fata fat de do.
admi-bhai,aisa maat karo,agar mai khali hath gaya to meri bivi mujhe khacha chaba jayegi..
chor-agar mai khali pahucha to kya meri bivi mujhe taal k khayegi….??
WIFE – “suna hai swarg mein husband-wife ko saath nahi rahne dete?”
Husband – “Pagli iseeliye to use SWARG(Heaven) kahte hain . !!!”
:: Best Husband and Wife Jokes ::
admi shadi kyu krta hai?
marne k baad woh swarg mai jaye to acha feel kare ,aur nark mai jaye to apne ghar jaisa feel kare….
ek admi ki nye nye shadi hue,phir bhi sham mai use ghr jane ki koi jaldi nahi rehti,woh der tak office mai hi rehta tha
boss ne pucha kya baat hai
ushne ne bataya ki meri bivi bhi job krti hai,aur jo ghar jaldi jata hai khana bhi usi ko banana padeta hai
Asali khagolashaastri to parivaar mein hi hote hai,
1 Maa – jo bachapan mein chaand dikhaati thi.
Doosare Papa – jo 1 thappad mein saara brahmaand dikha dete the.
Tisari patni/Wife – jo din mein taare dikhaati hai. Ye NASA to sirph bhram hai.
:: Best Husband and Wife Jokes ::
3 sharabi apas mai baat kr rahe the ki kaun apni bivi kitna control mai rakhta hai..
unme se 3 chup tha?
2no ne puch kya hua?
3 bola kaal hi meri bivi ghutno k baal mere pass aye..
2no ne kaha shabas!!!
3- aur mujhe boli agar mard ho to bed k niche se niklo….
:: Best Husband and Wife Jokes ::
patni 1/2 hr se phone pekisi se baat kr rahi thi,ushne call cut kr diya..
pati-aaj tmne bahut jaldi call cut kr diya..
patni-wrong no tha ishliye
patni-apne pati ki kabr pe pankha kr rahi thi..
ek admi ne bola-behan ji ab ishpe pankha kr k kya fayda
patni-hmare yaha ek rule hai jab tak pati ki kabr sukh nhi jati,tab tak patni ki dusari shadi nhi ho sakti…
ek admi apni patni ka antimsanshkar kr k ghar aa raha tha
tahi jor se bijli kadki,badal garje or jor se barish hue
dukhi admi ne apne sath chal rhe logo se kaha– lagta hai pahuch gaye..
ek admi ko cncer hua tha
ek din ushk beta ne pucha-papa apko cancer hai phir bhi ap logo se keh rahe hai ki apko Aids hai..
pita ne jwab diya-taki mere marne k baad koi tmhari mummy ko chune ki himmat na kare…
:: Husband and Wife Jokes ::
ek kuwe ki manyata thi ki sikka dal kr mano kamna puri ho jati thi..
ek pati patni waha gaye
pati ne sikka dala aur kuwe k pass se haat gaya..
patni gaye aur woh kuwe pass juki sikka dalne k liye aur gir gaye ..
pati thodi der sant tha aur bhi bola– itni jaldi ye to chamatkar hai…..
:: Husband and Wife Jokes ::
ek pati apni patni ko yeh keh kr chidata tha- 3 bacho ki amma
patni ko bahut gussa ata tha
ek din jaise hi pati ne bola 3 bacho ki amma
patni ne turant jwab diya bolo- 2 bacho k papa.
techr ne chote bache se pucha”bhagwan kaha hai”?
ek bache ne bola mujhe pata hai..
techr-batao
bacha-bathroom mai.
techr-ek pal k liye chup thi….phir boli tmhe kaise pata?
bacha-roj subah jab papa uthte hai.bathroom ka darwaja knock krte hue kehte hai .”Hey Bhagwan!tm ab tak andar hi ho…
:: New Husband and Wife Jokes ::
ek admi ne waiter ko 100rs tip diye
waiter-ap k liye mai roj shaam ko kone wali table reserve rakhunga
admi-maine tmhe ishliye tip di hai jab bhi mai apni patni k satha au to tm kehna table khali nhi hai,to mai use kisi saste se hotel mai le jaunga
pati patni ek bhed bahre bus mai ja rahe the
pati ek ladki pass jakar saat k khada ho gaya,yeh dekh kr patni ko jalan hue..
achanak ush ladi ne ek chata mara,aur kaha lo maja ek ladki to chikoti katne ki’
pati ne patni ko safaye dete hue kaha maine chikoti nhi kati..
patni muskura k bolo -mujhe pata hai,kyuki maine kiya tha yeh sab….
:: New Husband and Wife Jokes ::
pati patni bade hi khusi se reh rhe the…unki 25 aniversry thi
news reporter unk ghar gaye woh bahut famus couple the
reporter-ap k bech kabhi ladai nhi hoti?
pati-hm honeymoon pe gaye the.. mai aur meri patni horse pe baith k ghum rahe the…
bivi k horse ne use gira diya to meri bivi ne bola- pehli bar,aur woh phir use horse pe chad gye
horse ne phir giraya to boli- dusari bar,aur phir chad gye
horse ne phir giraya-kuch nhi boli,gun nikala aur horse ko mar diya
maine bola yeh tmne kya kiya,kyu mar diya,to ushne bola pehli bar
tab se hm santi se reh rahe hai
If newly weds are called
Love Birds..
What do you call the couples married for years??
Angry Birds?
Wife:- How will u feel when i go to my maika sweetie?
Husband:- mauka… mauka…….to love…..
Aaj Ki Bahu Ka Nara
Mera Bachha Saas Sambhale…..
Saas Ka Bacha Mai Sambhaloongi.
Bhakt-
Bhagwaan main Paapi hoon!
Mujhe dard do,
Dukh do,
Mujhe barbaad kar do,
Pareshaani do,
Mujhe truck se kuchal do,
Mujhe Mount Everst ki choti se gira do,
Mere peechhe bhoot laga do!
Bhagawaan- abe 1 Line mein bol na ki biwi chaahie!
latest new fresh pati patni chutkule
kit-kit ki aavaaz aa rahi thi.,
Patni: dekho ji, choohe kapade kutar rahe hain.,
Pati (kaampate hue): saari rajai jo tune kheench li,
mere hi daant kitakita rahe hain.
winter sardi rajai special pati patni chutkule

50 Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi
Chunav Lad Rahi Mahila Se
Reporter Ne Pucha-
Apko Chunav Ladne Ka
Khayal Kaise Aya
Lady- Jab B Me Apne Pati Se Ladti Hu To Jeet Meri Hi Hoti Hai

Santa – “Dekh teri Wife ko saanp(Snake) kaat raha hai”
Banta – “abe vo kaat nahin raha,
usaka jahar khatam ho gaya hai to vah
Recharge karavaane aaya hai…”
“Adabhut Sach” Duniya ke 90% purusho ka Sukun un mahilao ne chheena hai…
jinake naam ke aakhiri mein …A, I, N, M, Y, L ya U aata hai…
yadi vishvaas na ho to apani patni ke naam se tasalli kar lijiye…
Aaj Ki Bahu Ka Nara
:- Mera Baccha Saas Sambhale…..
Saas Ka Baccha Main Sambhal Lungi
patni : suno jee, mahilaon ko bhi ab shani mandir mein pravesh ka adhikaar mil gaya hai.
pati : bahut badhiya hua, ab shani dev ko bhi maaloom padega ki saadhesaati kise kahate hain..
Dukaanadaar: kya chaahie ? Graahak: mujhe beevi se ladane ke lie taakat chaahie, himmat chaahie, akal bhi chaahie Dukaanadaar: saahab ko ek kvaartar do, soda do aur mungdaal ka Packet do paanch vaala.
Pati- Meri Nazar Kamzor Ho Gayi Hai,
Sochta Hu Chashma Banwa Lu.
Patni- Rehne Do! Colony Me
Mujhse Sundar Koi Nahi Hai.
Aaj ka Hindi Gyaan:
Air Hostess Havai Sundari
Nurse Davai Sundari
Lady Teacher Padhai Sundari
Naukaraani Saphai Sundari
kisi ne joda
Patni Ladai Sundari!
A Man praying in ??
Kumbh Mela…
Hey Prabhu, nyay karo…
Hey Prabhu, nyay karo…
Hamesha bhai ko bhai bichhadte hai kumbh meley main…
Kabhi pati-Patni per bhi try karo?
Dulha Romantic Andaz Me
Bola May I Kiss U Darling ?
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Dulhan Sharmatae Hue Boli
Humne To Kabhi Gairo Ko Bhi
Manaa Nai Kiya,
Aap Toh Fir Bhi Apne Ho..
Ek Aadmi God Se: Tune Bachpan
Diya Cheen Liya,
Jawani Diya Cheen Le,
Paise Diye Wapis Le Liye,
Ek Biwi Bhi De Hai Lena Bhul Gya Kya…?
* Ek sukhi pati “tha” *
* Raam Jaane kaun tha *
* Ek “shaant” patni thi *
* Bhagvaan jaane kisaki thi *
kabhi dulhe ki Baaraat jab dekhata hu,
to mujhe Jesus Christ ke antim vachan yaad aate hain
he ishvar ise kshama karna ye nahi jaanta ye kya karne ja raha hai
WIFE- kitna pyar krte ho hame?
Hsbnd- Shahjhan jitna
wife: mere mrne k bd Taj mahal bnaoge?
Hsbnd: mai plot b le chuka hu pagli,
Der to tu kr rhi hai..
Pati: are suno munna ro raha hai, chup karao ise.
Patni (gusse mein): main kaam karoon ya bachche sambhaaloon, main ise dahez mein nahin laayee thee, khud hi chup kara lo.
Pati: phir rone de main kaun sa ise baaraat mein lekar aaya tha.
jalee ko Aag kahate hain…!
Bujhee ko raakh kahate hain…!
Jisaka Missed call dekhate hee insaan ghar aa jaaye…!
use “bivi ki dhaak” kahate hain…! pati patni very very funny jokes
‚‚ Husband wife jokes Hindi ‚‚patni- janu bag pack kr lo maine lotry mai 10 crore jita hai
pati -darling bag mai winter ka kapde dalu ya summer k?
patni- jo bhi dalna hai dalo,aur dafa ho jao yaha se
Poem of wife- husband hamara aisa ho,
Wallet me jiske bahut paisa ho,
Lambi jiski height ho,
Gusse ka wo lite ho,
jab sas se meri fight ho to
kahe janu tum hi right ho…………very very funny husband wife sms
1 admi ne 101 times khoon Daan kark Record bnaya
Blood bank walo ne uski wife ko prize diya
ye kehte hue ki Apne Nahi Piya Tabi to Hmne Liya
Wife: ‘RAEES’ Dekhne Chalein?
Husband: Main Us ‘KAABIL’ Nahi.
Wife: Toh ‘KAABIL’ Chalein?
Husband: Main Utna ‘RAEES’ Nahi.
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Baad Mein Ghar Mein Bacchon Ne ‘DANGAL’ Dekha!
Aisi dhaakad hai, Aisi dhaakad hai
Pati Patni Ke Chutkule
:: Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi ::
patni-tmhe nhi lagta jara si samjhdari se talak k mamle roke ja sakte hai
pati- tmhe nhi lagta jara se samjhdari se shaddi bhi roki ja sakti hai.
Know your woman’s type : –
1. Windows Woman – kisi kaam k nhi hoti pr ishk bina gujara bhi nhi hota..
2. Hard-Disk Woman – yeh sab kuch hmesa yaad rakhti hai..
3. RAM Woman –muhh ferte hai apk bare mai sab kuch bhul jati hai..
5. INTERNET Woman – Difficult to access
6. E-mail Woman – ishki kahi 10 baato mai 8 baaten bina matlab k hote hai
7. Virus Woman – ishko “wife” bhi kehte hai,ishki bare mai jab tak ap jante hai,tab tak yeh apk system ka band baja chuki hoti hai..
‚‚ Husband wife jokes Hindi ‚‚
ek ghar mai pati patni k hasne ki bahut jyada awaz aa rahi thi
sare padosi unki khushhali ka raj janne k liye unk ghar gye.
pati ne padosiyo ko btaya ki bahut assan hai…
hmare yaha meri bivi mujhe belan,chimta phek kr marti hai,
agar mujhe lag jata hai to woh hasti hai nhi to mai hasta hu..
‚‚ Husband wife jokes Hindi ‚‚
pati-raja dashrath ki 3 patni thi..
patni-to?
pati-to mai abhi 2 shaddi aur k sakta hu..
patni-soch lo….!!!!draupati k 5 pati the….
1st frnd-mai agle month 3 shaddi kar rahi hu?
2nd frnd-kyu??tmhare 2 patyo ka kya hua??
1st frnd-pehla bhagwan ko pyara ho gaya,aur dusara padosan ko pyara ho gaya…
:: Best Husband Wife jokes ::
pati-mai apni biwi ko B.A phir M.A phir Ph.d karwaunga…
ushko ek achi se job dilwaunga..
frnd-phir koi acha sa ladka dhundh kr ushki shaadi bhi krwa dena..
:: best husband wife jokes ::
pati prawachan sun k aya aur patni ko godd mai utha liya
patni-guruji ne kya rommance krne ko kaha hai kya?
pati-nhi pagli unhone kaha hai apka dukh khud uthana chahiye.
:: jokes on husband and wife ::
do mahila ki swarg mai mulakat hue..
1st-tmhari maut kaise hue?
2nd-jyada thand lagne k karan, aur tmhari?
1st-High BP k karan,mujhe pata chal ki mera pati kisi dusari aurat k sath hai..
mai gaye aur ushko sab jagah dunda pr woh nhi mili
2nd-agr freez mai dhunda hota to ,hm dono jinda hoti…
:: jokes on husband and wife ::
pati- maine aj ek sapna dekha?
patni-kya?
pati-ki tm kise se pyar kr rahi ho.
patni-kya tmne use pehchana?
pati-nhi pehchan paya,kyuki mai raat mai bina chasma k hi so gaya tha.
:: Latest, New, funny husband wife SMS, jokes ::
shadi ki mauk pr dulha dulhan ki mang sindur bharne laga to
ek bola -yaar, ye rashm agar ulati ho jani chahiye ,yani dunhan dulhe ki mang mai sindur bhare.
dusara bola-agar aisa hua to duniya k sare takle kuware hi reh jayenge
Patni: Apne Kaam Wali Ke Saath Koi Lafda Kiya Kya?
Pati: Kyon, Kya Hua?
Patni: Kal Tak Mujhe Memsaab Bulati Thi, Aaj Didi Bula Rahi Hai!
:: Latest, New, funny husband wife SMS, jokes ::
pati-kyu na aj ki chaye bahar pi jaye?
patni-kyo?tmhe kya lagta hai mai chaye banate -2 thak gye hu?
pati- nahi ,pr mai plate aur cup dhote dhote tang aa gaya hu..
Husbend-talak lena hai,
Advocate- talak lane ke lie 50000 rs lagenge,
Husband- pagal ho kya, pandit ne to 501 rs,
me shadi karayi thi,
Advocate-dekh liya na saste ka natija.
Hazaro aarzu aisi ke har aarzu pe dum nikle,
Koi meri biwi se kahe ke shopping pe kam nikle.
Chae ki patti (tea)
aur pati (husband)
me kya similarity hai?
.
Dono k naseeb me jalna aur ubalna
likha ha & woh b
aurat k hathon.
Pati agar maine tumse zindagi me
kabhi jhooth bola ho 2 mai abhi mar jau.
Patni: mne bhi kbhi aap se jhth bla ho
2 mi abhi vidhva ho jau.
Wife to her husband: I love you!
I can’t live without you!
Mar Jaungi!
Mit Jaungi!
Jehar Pee Luongi!
Tere Pyaar Mein Fanna Ho Jaungi!
Husband: Dekh Le Jaise Tujhe Theek Lage!
Definition of Biwi: Biwi vo hoti hai jo shaadi ke baad apne pati ki sari aadto ko badal deti hai aur fir kehti hai.. “aap pehle jaise nahi rahe”
Pati: aji suna? Videshon me talaak lena bahut hi aasan hai.
Patni : pata hai tabhi to vaha ladakiyan shadi ke samay roti nahi hain.
Patni – “Chalo ek khel khelte hain ..
mai chhupti hoon aur tum mujhe dhoondhna ..
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Agar tumne dhoondh liya to mai tumhaare saath
shopping karne chaloongi .. !”
Pati – Aur agar nahi dhoondh paya toh ?
Patni – “aisa mat kaho Jaanu.. mai bas darwaje ke
peechhe hee chhupoongi.. !!!
Jitne Channel TV Ke,
Utne Nakhre BIWI Ke,
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TV Chalta REMOTE Se Aur
BIWI Chalti note ( money) Se.
Wife: Jab desi pite ho toh Paro kehte ho.
Jab whisky pite ho to Darling.
Aaj kya piya jo chudail kehte ho?
Husbund: Aaj main hosh me hu!
Always love your wife
No life without wife,
Wife ke prati wafadar aur
Imandar raho,
Dil bada rakho,
Ye mat socho…
“How is your wife?
patni(kitchen se)-aj mai bahut khubsurat lag rahi hu??
pati-tmhe kaise pata??
patni-aj mujhe dekh kr roti bhi jal rahi hai……………….short husband wife jokes
Patni: Aap bahut mòte hò gaye hò
Pati: tum bhi tò mòti hò gai hò
patni: mai tò maa banne wali hòòn
Pati: Mai bhi tò baap banne wala hòòn
which 1 is best wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duty,
Saali is passiòn,
Wife is tensiòn,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Sali is còòl,
Wife is fòòl,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake…
Patni: Meri sharafat dekhó…….
Maine tumhe dekhe bagair shaadi karli…
Pati: Aur meri sharafat dekhó…..
Maine dekh kar bhi inkaar nahi kiya..
Biwi ko apni PALKO par baithalo,
De kar KHUSHI uske sare GUM churalo…
PYAR aise karo k sub DEKHTE reh jaye,
PADOSAN Bhi aa kar kahe “Mujhe APNI BIWI banalo”
Hawaldaar – Inspector sahab ….me ghar ke bahar khara hu..
Yaha 1 wife ne apne husband ko goli maar di hai
Inspector- Pura waardat batoo…
Hawaldaar- Sir…aaj eski kaamwali nahi aye the…
wife ne khud se poochha lagya tha
aur
husbnad ne gile farsh pe per chhap diye…
gusse me wife ne husbnad ko goli maar di
ab mere liye kaya hukum hai??
Inspector- Bahar khara kaya kar raha ha bawkuf…
ander jaa ke wife ko Giraftaar kaar lo
Hawaldaar – par sir, farsh abhi bhi gila hai………latest husband wife very funny sms
Patni pati se sharm nahi ati
dusre aurat ko ghoor ghoor ke dekh rahe ho
Ab tum shadisuda ho
Patni- esa kaha likha hai ki upvaas ho to kahne ka menu bhi
nahi dekh sakte kaya?
Wife: Subah mere chehre pe pani kyo Dala,
Husband:Tere Baap ne kaha tha k meri beti PHOOL ki Tarha Hai ise Murjane mat Dena.
loksabha me ‘smriti irani’ke chandi rup ne sabse jyada modi aur rahul ko achambhit kiya.
baki vivahita log to aurat ka ye rup roj apne gharon me dekhte hi rahte hai.
Grih shanti mantra:tum bhut sundar,aur patli lag rahi ho.kaam bhai kitna karti ho.
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iss mantra ka ghar me pratidin tin-char baar jaap karne se parivar me sada shanti rahti hai,aur bole jaane wale iss jhuth ka paap bhi nahi lagta.
ek aadmi ne conductor se puchha,”aap kitne ghante bush me rahte ho?”
conductor:24 ghante
aadmi:wo kaise?
conductor:8 ghante city bush me aur banki ke 16 ghante,bb ke bash me
pati:aaj essi chaay banao ki pite hi tan-badan jhumne lage aur mann nachane lage.
patni:hamare yahan bhaish ka dhudh aata hai,naagin ka nahi.
India Mein Jitne Railway Fatak Hain…
Usse Zyada Yahan Biwiyon Ke Natak Hain!…..very funy husband wife jokes in hindi 2019
World Mein Sab Se Fast 2 Network Hai..
1. E-Mail Aur 2. Female
Ek Hi Pal Mein Idhar Ki Baat Udhar!…..very funy husband wife jokes in hindi 2019
Question: Arrange Marriage Mein Divorce Kam Kyon Hote Hain?
Answer: Jo Apni Marji Se Shaadi Nahi Kar Paya Woh Divorce Kya Khaak Lega!
Husband: Har Subah Main Bhagwan Se Yeh Prarthna Karta Hun Ki Sabko Tumhare Jaisi Patni Mile.
Wife: Sach, Aisa Kyon?
Husband: Haan, Aakhir Main Akela Hi Kyon Dukh Sahun!
Pyaar + Khayal + Dhamki = Maa
Pyaar + Darr = Papa
Pyaar + Saath = Behen
Pyaar + Ladai = Bhai
Pyaar + Zindagi = Dost
Pyaar + Khayal + Darr + Saath + Ladai + Dhamki = Patni
Yeh Zaroori Nahi Ki Har Rishta Khoon Ka Ho,
Kuch Rishte Khoon Chusne Ke Liye Bhi Hote Hain…
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Jaise ‘Pati-Patni’ Ka Rishta Hi Le Lo!
Pata nahi ab ye afbah kaun failaa raha hai ki…..
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activa ke Silencer pe biwi likhane se bullet ki aawaj aati hai.
Pati: Janu Tum Mujhy Ak Jaga Se Bohat Achi Lagti Ho
Patni Sharmate Hoye: Kahan se…?
Husband : Doooooor se bas…
Wife: Agar Main Waqt Hoti To Sab Meri Qadar Karte.
Husband: Log Tumhein Dekh Kar Darr Jaate.
Wife: Woh Kyon?
Husband: Log Kehte, Wo Dekho Bura Waqt Aa Raha Hai!
Husband: Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein Khayal Aata Hai, Agar Zindagi Teri Zulfon Ki Ghani Chaanv Mein Guzar Jaati Toh…
Wife(with affection): Toh!
Husband: Toh Kya, Home Loan Lene Ki Zarurat Na Padti!
Pyaar + Khayal + Dhamki = Maa
Pyaar + Darr = Papa
Pyaar + Saath = Behen
Pyaar + Ladai = Bhai
Pyaar + Zindagi = Dost
Pyaar + Khayal + Darr + Saath + Ladai + Dhamki = Patni
What is the diff. between “GHAZAL” and “LECTURE”?
Every word spoken by the girlfriend is “GHAZAL”and
Every word spoken by wife is “LECTURE”.
Husband: Aaj faisla ho ke rahega,
Batao kis-kis ke sath soti ho?
Wife: Qasam se Darling…
Sirf aap ke sath hi soti hun
Baqi log sone kaha dete hai…..
Baba ramdev kahete hai
Achhi sehat k liye saas pe control karo!!
Ab baba ko kon samjaye ki-
Yaha biwi pe control hota nahi
To saas pr kaise control kare?
Santa ki Wife ka Rang Kala tha
Ek Din Red Saree Pehan K
pucha: Me Kaisi Dikh Rahi Hu? .
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Santa: Jaise Kajal Ki Factory Me Aag Lag Gayi Ho !!.
Wife : Mein Tangg Aa Gayi Hu Roz Ki Kit Kit Se
Mujhe Talaaq Chahiye
Husband : Ye Lo Choclate Khaao.
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Wife. ( Romantically ) Mana Rahe Ho Mujhe..
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Husband : Nahi Re Pagli
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Maa Kehti Hai Achchha Kaam Karne Se Pehle
Meetha Khaana Chahiye.
Main iss DIYE par haath rakh k promise karti hun
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Ke main aaj se apne pati ko kabhi bhi pareshan nhi karungi
gift nahi mangungi
unka sab kaha manugi
aur galati pe sry bolungi

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O teri.DIYA bujh gaya..
Shaadi-shuda Aurto ka seminar chal raha tha.
Unse puchha gaya, Aapne apne Husband
ko ‘I Love You’ last kab bola hai?
Kisi ne kaha aaj, kisi ne kaha 2 din pehle
Aur Kisi ne kaha 15 din pehle.
Fir unse kaha gaya k sab Patniya
apne pati ko Mobile se
‘I Love You’ Message karo abhi,
Jiska sabse accha reply aayega usay Surprise Gift Milega…
Sab wives ne apne husbnad ko ‘I Love You’ msgs/sms kar diya aur
Kuchh der baad Husbands k Reply kuchh iss tarah aaye…
1) Darling, tumhari tabiyat to theek hai na?
2) Ghar kharcha khatam ho gaya hai kya ???
3) Kahin tum Maiyke to nahin chali gayi ???
4) Aaj ghar pe khana nahin bana hai kya ???
5) Kya Matlab ???
6) Tum Sapne mein ho ya main sapna dekh raha hoon?
7) Kity party mein kisi ki Jewellery pasand aa gayi hai kya???
8) Office mein itna tension hai aur tujhe Romance sujh raha hai ???
9) Kitni baar mana kiya Serial mat dekha kar..!!
10) Aaj fir gaadi thok-ke aayi kya????
Finally jisko Surprise Gift Mila uska khatarnak reply ye tha..
11) Kaun (who are you)???Pati Aur Patni Ke Mast Majedar Chutkule
Shadi ki 14th Anniversary par
Husband gehri soch me tha…..
Wife ne ye dekha aur pucha – Kya soch rahe
ho?
Husband- Yaad hai jab tumhare daddy ne
date pe pakda tha.
aur kaha tha, ya to meri beti se shadi karo
ya 14 saal k liye jail jao
Wife muskurate hue :- Haan to ?
Husband :- agar sahi faisla Liya hota to aaj me azaad ho jata..
Sishya: Guruji,
Wife,
Biwi,
Patni,
Shrimati,
Aurat,
Ardhangini,
Gharwali
In Sab Me Kitna Fark He?
Guru: Vats,
Itna Mat Socho.
Musibat Ek, Naam Anek!
Bahu- maji, ye abhi tak nhi aaye,
kahi koi dusri aurat?
Saas- kalmuhi, tu hamesh hi
ulta sochti h, aisa bhi to ho sakta h ki ,
truck ke niche aa gya ho..
Patni: ajee sunate ho?
upar se vah Bag utaar dena!
mera haath kuchh chhota pad raha hai..
Pati: to jabaan se try kar le na…
Phir kaya..
patni: ne ettna mara…bahut mara…
pati ICU mein hai…
Ek aadmi ki dusre City mein naukri lagi.
Waha pahunch kar usne socha ki biwi
ko E-mail kar du.
Galti se vo E-mail kisi aur ke paas
chala gya, jis ke paas gya vo aurat
apne pati ko dafna ke aai thi or E-mail
padhte hi behosh ho gai.
E-mail kuch yu tha:- Begam! Mail yaha
aaram se pahunch gaya hu, yaha
internet ki service bhi achchhi hai.
Udas mat ho, 2-3 din me tumhe bhi bula lunga.
Happu Singh ka interview
Batao Aise kaun sa aurat hai jisko 100% pata ho
ki uska pati kaha hai.
.
Pappu ne apna Khulkar Dimag lagaya aur kaha.
.
“VIDWA AURAT”..
Question-Kya Ek Wife
Apne Husband Ko
Lakhpati Bana Sakti Hai…?
Answer- Yes,
Par Husband Crorepati Hona Chahiye.
Wife Mobile, Husband Simcard,
Dono Mile To Hua Recharge,
Beta Hua To Incoming,
Beti Hui To Outgoing,
Twins Hue To Bonus Talktime,
Kuch Na Hua To Network Problem!
Mirza Gaalib:
hamen to apanon ne loota
gairo mein kahaan dam tha
apani kashti vahaan doobi
jahaan paani kam tha

gaalib ki patni:
tum to the hee gadhe
tumhaare bheje mein kahaan dam tha
vahaan kashti lekar gae hi kyon
jahaan paani kam tha!!
Husband: Shaadi Se Pehle Tum Bahut Upwaas Rakhti Thi, Ab Kya Ho Geya?
Wife: Bahut Nahi Sirf Solah Somwaar Ke Rakhti Thi.
Husband: Phir Ab Kya Ho Geya?
Wife: Phir Tumse Shaadi Ho Gayi Aur Mera Upwaas Se Bharosa Uth Geya!
Chaaval Dekhate samay kankar patni ko bhale nazar na aaye,
par saala shirt par chipaka kisi mahila/ladki ka baal use 20 phut door se chaukhat mein ghusate hi dikh jaata hai
Shaadiyon ke seejan ka vishesh! Marrige/wedding special jokes
1 bhai beauty parlor ke svaagat kaksh mein baitha tha.
1 Mahila aayi, dheere se kandhe ko dabaaya aur boli,
“aaiye chalate hain”.
bhai paseene-paseene ho gaye aur bole,
“main shaadishuda hoon aur yahaan beauty parlor mein beevee bhee saath hai”.
mahila: are dhyaan se dekho, main hi hoon kiske sapne dekh rahe ho 🙂
Patni: har Saturday-Sunday jo tum machhali pakadane jaate ho na.
Pati (jhijhakate hue): haan-haan to?
Patni: vo machhali aaj aai thi aur kah rahee thi vo jaldi ande dene vaali hai.
Pati- Shocked!
Patni: mujhe khush rakha karo, saari tension door ho jaegi.
Pati: jab-jab too khush huyi hai, tab-tab meri salary maheene ke 15 din mein hi khatm hui hai.
Patni agar kuchh bole to gardan ko do baar oopar se neeche karen.
Ye yoga sab yoga ka baap hai.
Ye yoga aapake khushahaal jeevan kee kunjee hai.
Note: gardan ko kabhi bhi daayen se baayen na ghumaayen,
Ye jaan leva ho sakata hai.
Gahan Shodh ke baad vaigyaanik is nateeje par pahunche hain ki mahilaon ke
“Whatever” ka matalab “mar jaoongi par apani galati nahin maanoongi” hota hai.
1 aadami ne apani patni ko diamond necklace diya.
patni ne 8 maheene tak pati se baaten nahin ki.
kya nekales nakali tha?
nahin. darasal, yahee Deal thi.
Bole to pati bhi Happy-Happy aur patni bhi diamond necklace
ke sath happy happy…
pati (gusse mein): itanee der se phone kyon nahin uthaaya?
patnee (chidhakar): main ringaton par naach rahi thi.
Prem karo, yuddh nahin aur agar donon karana hai to shaadi kar lo…..short shaadi jokes in hind
Shopping mein vyast beevi ka sabr se saath dena bhi mohabbat hai, zaroori nahin har koi Taaj Mahal banavaata Phire
Patni(Kam Padhi Likhi): jaanu, Ragging kise kahate hain?
Pati: vahi jo tum zabaradasti har annivairsary aur birthday par gift maangati ho na… use English mein Ragging kahate hain
Doctor patient ke pati se: aaj kaisi tabiyat hai aapaki patni ki?
Pati: Aaj theek hai Doctor, subah to ladee bhee.
Patni: ajee tum GOA ja rahe ho to mujhe apane saath kyon nahin le jaate?
Pati: are pagali, koi hotal jaata hai to tifin saath le jaata hai kya? …..very funny romantic jokes
Patni: jab hamane shaadi ki thi tab to aap mujhe bade sweet-cute naamon se bulaate the,
jaise meri ras malai, meri rabadi, lekin ab in naamon se kyon nahin bulaate?
Pati: doodh ki mithai kitane din taazi rahegi?
Patni: hamaare gaanv mein pahala rediyo mere paapa laaye the. Pati: apani Maa ke baare me aisa nahi bolate pagali.
Shaadi se pahale hi duniyaan ghoom leni chaahie, kyonki shaadi ke baad duniyaan hi ghoom jaati hai.
2 haphte se jyaada khaansi T.B. ban jaati hai aur samay par Girlfriend na badalo to…
.
.
.
.
beevi ban jaati hai.
Pati: Self-Control to koi tumse seekhe, maanana ??padega.
Patni (khush hokar): vo to hai, par kis baat par?
Pati: Body mein itani Sugar hai par mazaal hai kabhi zubaan par aane di ho.
Pandit ki katha aur Bivi ki vyatha ek jaisi hoti hain…
samajh mein jyaada kuchh nahin aata,
phir bhi dhyaan laga-kar sunane ka’ naatak karana padata hai..!
Pati: jab hamaari nai-nai shaadi hui thi
tab tum kitana tahajeeb se bolati thi aur ab.
Patni: pahale main Raamayan dekhati thi aur ab Crime Patroldekhati hoon.
Patni: suno mere munh mein machchhar chala gaya, ab kya karoon? Pati: pagali Allout pi le, 6 Second mein kaam shuroo.
Pati-Patni ka jhagada ho raha tha. patni gusse mein boli,
“dekh lena tumhen to Narak mein bhi jagah nahin milegi!”
Pati: theek hai, vaise bhi main har jagah tumhaare saath nahin jaana chaahta.
Aajkal Facebook Whatsapp par Photo Like aur Comment ka prachlan itana badh gaya hai ki bivi ne apane X-Ray ko mujhe dikhaaya to mere munh se nikal gaya, “Nice Pic” …
phir kya … ek X-Ray phir khud ka karvaana pada.
1 aadami ki patni mar gayi.
shoksabha mein aae 1 friend ne poochha:- kaise hua ye sab ?
aadami :- kuchh nahin, chaay pi rahi thi aur achaanak…
Friend :- vo vaali chaaypatti bachi hai kya ?
Jo aapaki chuppi ko bhaashan mein badal de vah hai daaru,
aur jo aapake bhaashanon ko chuppi mein badal de vah hai meharaaru.

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