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Husband Wife Jokes 2019 | Husband wife jokes in Hindi

Husband Wife Jokes in English



Ek admi ki nye nye shadi hue,phir bhi sham mai use ghr jane ki koi jaldi nahi rehti,woh der tak office mai hi rehta tha
Boss ne pucha kya baat hai
Ushne ne bataya ki meri bivi bhi job krti hai,aur jo ghar jaldi jata hai khana bhi usi ko banana padeta hai
Khatarnak, Jaanleva Technology problem-
Wife to husband – where were you on Saturday night?
Husband- ohh, there was a urgent work I was asked to finish,
so had to stay back in office.
Wife – Ohh..Really? Then why your “Fitband” shows you burned 300 calories
and your heart rate was more than normal at 1 AM in Night?
Husband- Silent…
Wife-Violent…(*_*)
husband wife jokes are very popular jokes in day to day life.
Sweet discussion and argument between husband and wife in english make interesting jokes of husband wife.
Forget your tension, reduce your stress and hangout with funny jokes.
We are sure our husband wife Jokes will make you roll with laughter.
Pati patni ki ladai Mithi Mithi nok jhok majedaar chutkule ban jaate hai.
Hasya Vyangya Maje ligiye, Khub Hansiye aur Swastha Rahiye.
Wife: Judge Sahab Mujhy mere husband se Divorce chahiye.
Judge: Magar wo to No.-1 kabaddi champion hai. Wife: Yeh hi to problem hai.
Anadi Khiladi sirf Chhookar kar bhaag jaata hai.
Sharabi : Agar mere hath mein Sarkar hoti to,
Mein Desh ki Takdeer badal deta…
Sharabi ki Wife (Gusse se): Arey,
Pahele apna Pajama to badal le, Karam jale…
Subah se meri Salwar pahan kar Ghum rha hai.
Wife: Har Successful aadmi ke piche 1 aurat hoti hai.
Husband: Aur agar 1 se jyada aurtey hui to?
Khatarnaak jawab…
Wife: To bad me us Safal aur mahan aadmi ki kahani
“Sawdhan India” mein dikhate hai.
Wife agar kuch bole to,
Apni Gardan ko 2 bar upar niche karein.
Ye Yog sab yog ka baap hai,
ye Yog aapke Khushal Jivan ki Kunji hai…
Dhayn rahe –
Gardan ko kabhi Baye Daye na ghumaye,
Ye bahut khatarnaak sabit ho sakta hai…
Helmet aur patni ka swbhav
ek jesa hota hai
sir par bithakar rakho
to jaan bachi rahgi…..new pati patni jokes
1 Wife ka Whatsapp Status
mai tum par viswas karti hu
par yaad rakhna mera viswas aur
tumhara haddiya ek sath tuttegi
Shaadi ke baad husband-wife movie dekhne gaye
Husband – tum purus ko kis Nazar se dekhti ho
Wife – Saadi ke baad- “Ek tha Tiger” aur
saadi se pahle “Tiger abhi jinda hai”
Patni apne Pati se: “jee, main tumhaara dil mein rahana chaahati hoon.” Pati: “theek hai. par vahaan doosara aurrat se ladana mat…..pati patni jokes
baarish aur patni Shuru-Shuru mein achchhi lagti hai …..
baad mein….kich kich kich kich ….
dhyaan se hanso kahi patni dekh na le varana ole bhi pad sakata hai !
Pati patni jokes- Pati patni ki godh mein leta hua thaa.
Patni: Kaisa lag raha hai ji?
Pati: Aise jaise Bhagwan Vishnu shesh naag ki Godh mein lete hon.
Biwi aur saali main kon zyada achi hoti hai?
Answer: Saali behtar(BEST) hai.
Kaash woh biwi ke bagair mil sakti.
Pati apni patni se (suhagraat ko):
Jaaneman apna chand sa chehra to dikaho…
Chehra dekte hi pati bola:
Arey tumhare chehre par to kale dhabbe or gadde hai,
tumhare maa baap ne mujhe dhoka diya hai.
Patni: Dear recent research se chand ka yahi roop samne aaya hai.
Wife: Kaash tum aise sms hote jise
Main Zindagi bhar save karke rakhti!
Husband: Aur kaash tum
aisi Ringtone hoti jise
main har hafte badal sakta.
Wedding Broker: Tumhe kaisi ladki chahiye? Man: Mujhe chand jaisi ladki chahiye, jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye
Saadi ki pahli raat ko patni boli-
Aaap mere prannath aur mein apke charno ki dasi.
Shaadi ke baad woh ho Gaya Charandas aur,
woh ho gayi prano ki pyaasi.
Pyaar me humne esa bij boya
Kabhi usne kapra dhoya
Kabhi usne mughe dhoya
Kaun Banega Crorepati mein mujhse 1
Crore ka prashn(Question) puchha gaya ki
“Aap ki nazar mein duniya ki sabse
khatarnaak mahila kaun hai?”
kasam se maine 1 Crore ko thokakar
maar di par naam nahin batya
kyonki shaam ko ghar bhi jaana tha….
~ ~ ~
Kaun Banega Crorepati husband wife Jokes
Aaj subah se hi mere mitr likh rahe hain …
“jo amrt pite hain unhen Dev kahate hain aur jo vish pite hain unhen MahaaDev kahte hain!”
are bhai … jo Rojaana donon hi cheez thoda thoda karake pite hain unhen bhi to PatiDev kahte hain!
new husband wife jokes
Husband-Aajkal ghar me Wife bhi baat-baat mein GST-GST bolane lagi hai.
ghar mein koi bhi bahas chal raha hai vah GST bol kar bahas ko khatm kar deti hai.
tang aakar main poonchh hi liya: – “ye tum baat karte-karte beech mein
hi GST bol kar chal dete ho- kya matalab hai tumhaara ?
aur usane jo javaab diya to Mai sar pakad kar baith gaya
G – galati(mistake)
S – bas(only)
T – tumhaari(Yours) hai ….
Yadi beevi ke naam par 2.5 laakh jama karaane ki chhutti hai to,
saali ke naam par bhi 1.25 laakh jama karaane ki chhoot honichaahie.~ akhil bhaaratiy jeeja sangh!
Pati: aaj se tum Manager ke saath rahane vaali ho.
Patni: awww kaise hon vo dikhane mein?
Pati: paagal kaheen ki, main Manager ban gaya hoon.
Dev aur Patidev donon mein kya antar hai?
Dev ki aarti – Sukhkarta, Dukhharta…
Patidev ki aarti – Aisaakarta, Vaisaakarta !
Pati patni me jhagda ho raha tha
Pati – Me koi tumse darta hu
Patni – Darte to tum ho,
pahli baar jab tum mere ghar aye
the to pure 250 logo ke sath aye the
or mughe dekho me akele chale ayi na………..husband wife jokes 2019
Wife: shaadi ke baad tum mujhase Jaada pyaar nahi karte…
Husband: Darling Exam clear hone ke baad kaun padhata hai?
It is said that Husband is the head of D family,
But
Remember that wife is D Neck of D family.
& the Neck can turn the Head exactly D way she wants.
(-.-) Enjoy latest new husband And wife jokes; put a big smile on your loving wife’s face sharing funny husband and wife jokes in hindi on her cellphone.
A white couple gets a black child.
Angry husband asks- You white, Me white. Why is baby black?
Wife- You hot, Me hot. Baby burnt!
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his cheque-book open!
True bravery is 2 arrive home…..fully drunk……a latenight out…..& wife waiting with a jhadu and u ask: Hey abhitak safai kar rahi ho?
Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he goesto work, why don’t you do that? Husband: How can I? I don’t even know her.
Possible Reasons When A Man Opens a car door for wife
1) The Car Is New.
2) The Wife Is New
3) (Most Imp) She Is Not His Wife
Wife 2 Husband: Did u Have any GF before marriage ?
Husband remains silent ?
Wife: what is D meaning of silence?
Husband: Wait.. let me count…
Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER – Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
1 shaadishuda aadami mandir mein bhagvaan se poochhata hai,
He prabhu! toone bachapan diya use chhin liya,
aisho aaraam diya use bhi chhin liya,
Rupya-paisa diya vo bhi barbaad ho gaya,
aur ab ye bivi di use dekar kyo bhul gaya..
Husband – aj kuch aisi bat batao jisase dil khush bhi ho jaye aur jal bhi jaye
Wife- tumhare sare dosto me sabse acha kiss karane ka style tumhara haibivi k thappad marne k bad pati bola Admi use hi marta h jise vo pyar karta h.
bivi ne bhi 2khich k mari or boli-Ap kya samjte h mai apse pyar nahi karti.
Wife: Bus karo rat k 12 baje se kar rahe ho or subai k 8 ho gaye,
Thake nahi ?Husband: abhi to kuchh nahi kia ab to din raat karunga kyu ki..
5000 MSG free hai.
Wife pati se boli-Dekho G Kaam karte Waqt mere ko Kiss-Wiss na kiya karo.
Tabhi Kaamwali Boli-Maidam achi Tarah se Samjha do, Mai to bol-bol ke Thak Gayi
Wife: Dekhi na wo aadmi mujhe ghur ghur ke dekh raha hai.
Husband: Arre wo to bhangar wala ( scrap dealer ) hai, Bekar MAAL par nazar rakhana uski addat hai………..
Patni- Shadi K Pehle Aap Roz Gift Dete The, Par Ab Nai Dete, Kyu?
Pati- Tune Kabhi Kisi Machware
Ko Machli Pakdne K Baad Use Dana Dalte Dekha Hai
Wife-kitna pyar karte ho hame.
Husband-shahjhan jitna.
Wife-mere marne ke bad taj mahal banaoge.
Hsbnd-me plot bhi le chuka hu
pagli der to tu kar rahi he.
Husband:
Jab mai
tumpe chillata hu tab
tum apna gussa kispe
nikalti ho ??
.
Wife:
toilet saaf karke
.
Husband:
Hahahaha ,
bewkoof aurat vo kaise?
.
Wife:
Toilet aapke
toothbrush se saaf
karti hu.
Patni ka “I love you” bolne ke baad pati ka “I love you Tooooooooo” bolna utna he jaruri h
jinta “jor se bolo” ke baad “Jay maata di” bolna
On Sáturday Night
Wife In very Romantic Mood:-Aaj Muje Rassi Se
Bandh Do aur Jo Karna Chaho Kár Looo januuuuu.
Páppu Ne Usay Bandha Or Dosto K Sáth
Ghoomne Chala Gayá
Bhákt: Guru ji, Aisi Patni ko kyá kahte hai jo..
Bahot Fair ho,
Height achhi ho,
Bahut cute ho
Nature sweet ho,
Brilliant ho,
Pati ko samjhe Aur
kabhi jhagda ná kare?
Guru ji: Mann ka Vahám kahte hain Beta, Mann ka Váham!!!
kal teri wife bahut jor jor se chillai kyo thi ?
mere ghar taak aawaz aaye the|
are kuch nahi yaar uska Photo facebook pe upload karne ke jagah OLX par upload ho gaya|
Judge – tumne apne wife ko 10 saal dra ke dhamka ke apne baas me rakha
Mujrim – esa nahi hai……
Judge – Saphai nahi tarike batoo…….tarika !!!
Husband ne Wife ko sms kiya:
“Dinner pe mere sath Rajiv, Sanjiv, Tanu aur Manu aa rahe hain… acha sa laziz khana bana dena dear”
Phir 10 mins ke baaf 2nd sms kia:
“Mera promotion ho gaya aur Meri salary badh gai hai, next month tumhe Diamond ki Ring la kar dunga..”
Wife ne reply kiya:
“Oh my God Really Darling” ? ||latest husband wife jokes by latestsms.in||
Husband: “Nahi… Main Check kar raha tha mera pehla sms mila ya nhi… warna tu bolegi mujhe messages mila hi nahi..”
Wife 2 Husband – Sunte Ho ji..?
Mujhe Happiness ki spelling batao!!
.
.
.
Husband: Likhhh… U N M A R R I E D……..Unmarried………..short husbnad wife jokes
Spread humour sharing husband wife jokes full of laughter and
amusing punch line. Are You Just Feeling Blue? Change your mind with hubby wife funny gags.
Are You Bored? Reboot Your Brain with witticism. Refresh yourself with tons of jokes, prank,
stunt, hoax, fun, comedy, jest, jape
Police to -Mahile, app bahut bahadur ho jee
aap ne mashur daku ko bahut mara
Mahila-mughe kaya pata tha ki wo daaku hai
Raat bahut ghana andhera tha
Me to samghi ki wo mera husband hai aur bahut der se
ghar aaya hai…….
Wife market se looti
husband- mera andaaza hai es box me koi khane ki chiz hai
Wife- are wahh Pati Parmeshwar
app ne sahi andaaza lagaya esme me
mere sandal hai
Wife to hubby: Darling in pictures of Shiva-Parvati, Shiva has a Trishool.
In pictures of Vishnu-Lakshmi, Vishnu has Chakra in hand and pictures of Rama-Sita,
Rama has bow in hand. But in case of Krishna-Radha, he has flute in hand. Why is this?
Hubby: You see dear the three God’s whom you mentioned first are with the wives.
That is why they have weapons. Krishna is with his girlfriend.
Hence no weapons required. This shows when it comes to dealing with wives, even Gods need protection.
Faithful” husbands will go straight to heaven..!
.
While,.
Unfaithful will enjoy heaven on earth..!!
‘Choise is yours”
This jokes specially for shadi ke side effect se paresan pati ke liye
kabhi aap bahut dukhi ho to apni shadi ka video
backward karke dekhye maja aa jayega
appki wife aap ke gale se haar uttaregi,
car me bethegi aur apne ghar laut jayegi
aur aap ke friends dance karte karte apne ghar laut jayege
Strait Insult:
Husband- Ye kaisa khana banaya hai tumne bilkul gobar jaisa..
Wife: Hey bhagwan is adami ne to har cheez chak rakhi hai..
Wife: Kya faltu games khelte rahte ho…
Agar himmat hai to Blue Whale Game Khel ke dikhao.
Husband: Main Bacchpan Se Khel Raha Hun. Tumse Shaadi Mera Last Task Tha!
Friend 1: Why is your eye swollen?
Friend 2: It was my wife’s birthday yesterday and I bought her a cake.
Friend 1: But how did your eye get swollen?
Friend 2: Her name is Tapasya… but that cake shop idiot wrote “Happy Birthday Samasya”!
Pati Patni me Jhagra ho gaya
Pati kuwa ke taraph bhagi
Kuwa se girne ki jor se aawaz aayi
Pati kuwa ke pass jaakar jor jor se hasne laga
Pati ne kaha -Jalo musibat tali..No Tension…No Fear
Peeche se kisi ke hasne ki aawaz aayi
Pati ne palat kar dekha to uski patni hai
Patni- Your Tension….Your Fear….are just Here….O My Dear ?
Pati- mughe laga ki tum ne kuwa me dub kar maar gaye
Patni- mene to kuwa me 1 bada sa pathaar pheka tha…
Married men don’t have a Lifestyle…
.
.
They live according to Wifestyle!
Wives apane Hubby ko jitana sataati hai Na, utana hi unako kaam karane vaali baiyaan(Maid) sataati hain.
sab karmon ka phal hai
Husbnad – aaj ghar bahut Neat and Clean dikh raha h?
Tumhara WhatsApp aaj band hai kaya?
Wife – nahi jee, wo mera charger nahi mil raha tha
khojte khojte safai ho gayi…..
Shuddh Hindi me madhur rasili pati ke liye –
Naasta banana,
Bartan saaf karna
Ghar ki safai karna
Kapre dhona
Ese sabhi kaam agar koi estri jaldi jaldi
shantipurwak kare to use kaamwali kahte H
aur ye sabhi kaam koi estri bhayankar krodh
me aur barbarate hue kare to use Gharwali kahte H
ek hath me Lipstick
dusre me Mobile
Ek kaan cooker ki siti par
dusra whatapp ki notification par
ek aakh TV serial par
dusra husband ki activity par
koon kahta hai nari jiwan aasan h

After great demands from all husbands……….
All new app called “Darr” is launched for Smartphones…..
As you just speak….. ‘Wife’…..and it closes all open websites,
hides all chats, shuts down all games,
hide all special folders and best of all.
puts your wife’s photo as a wallpaper.
Also, your wife name run as screensaver
When Smartphone screen is idle.
Husband:
Bhagwan ne tumhe 2 aakhen di hai
chawal se pathar nhi nikal sakti?
WIFE: Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daat diye hai
2-4 pathar nhi chaba sakte?
Pehle woh meri girlfrnd thi,
Mai bolta tha wo sunti thi,
Phir woh meri mangetr bani,
Woh bolti thi mai sunta tha
Jb se woh meri BIWI bani,
Hm dono bolte hai
or
muhalla sutna hai
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife ne pucha,Kaun Thi Wo?
Husband:-Tm dimagh kharab mat karo,
mai pehle hi pareshan hu k woh bhi Yehi puche gi.
Wife:
Janu kash ap SMS hote.
Mai ap ko save karti,
Husband:
Jaan-e-man, kash tm ringtone hoti,
Mai her haftay tumhe change karta
patni: jab tum desi pite ho mujhe pari kehte ho.
beer pite ho to darling
par aj bhutni kyu?
pati:aj maine sprite piya hai,
‘seedhi baat no bakhwash’
Wife: Mai tumhari yaad mai
15 din mai hi aadhi ho gayi hu,
mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?
Husband: 15 din aur ruk jao
Thapar Marne par NaraZ Wife
se Husband bola:
Aadmi usi ko marta hai jis se Pyar krta hai.
Wife ne Husband ko 2 thapar mara aur
Boli ap kya samjhte hai mai apse Pyar
Dosti Karo College wali se,
Ishq larao office wali se,
Flirt karo pros wali se,
Pyar karo dilwali se,
ankh ladao sali se,
aur maar khao ghar wali se
Wife:kal rat tum mujhey neend
mai galia kyu de rahe the?
Husband: tumhe ghalat fehmi hue hai..
Wife: kaisi ghalat fehmi?
Husband: yehi k mai neend mai tha
Friends Are like “Priya Gold Biscuit” Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai
Wife:Suna he k jannat me husband
k sath Wife ko nahi rehne dete
HUSBAND! sahi suna he,
Wife: aisa kyu?
Husband: Are pagli isi liye to
use jannat kehte hai..
Husband aur wife me ladai ho gai
husband ghar se chala gaya.
raat ko ph kark pucha khane me kya h?
Wife:zehar
Husband: mei der se aaunga,tum kha kar so jaana..
Pati: are suno, munna ro raha hai chup karao ise.
patni (gusse mein):main kaam karu ya bachche sambhaalu,
main ise dahez mein nahin laayi thi, khud hi chup kara lo.
Pati : phir rone de….
main kaunasa ise baaraat mein lekar gaya tha..
:: Husband and Wife Jokes ::
pati- hipnotis kya hota hai?
patni-kisiko apne control mai kr k apne marji ka kaam krwana.
pati-chal jhuti!!!! use to shaadi kehte hai..
ek baar ek pati aur patni Bagiche me haath me haath daale ghoom rahe the . usee time ek Sharaarati-Natkhat bachcha vaha se gujara aur bola Uncle, kal vaali jyaada mast cute H0T thi. Pati chaar din se khaali pet bageeche mein us bachche ko dhoondh raha hai.
Wife ko 1 thappad maarane kee saja 1000 rupaye judge saahab ne sunaee..
tab santa ne judge ko puchha :-“dusara ek thappad maar du..??
judge gusse se :- kyo..??
santa :- kyonki chhutta nahin hai mere paas 2000 rupaye ka note hai.
:: Latest Husband and Wife Jokes ::
chor-tmhare pass jo kuch bhi hai fata fat de do.
admi-bhai,aisa maat karo,agar mai khali hath gaya to meri bivi mujhe khacha chaba jayegi..
chor-agar mai khali pahucha to kya meri bivi mujhe taal k khayegi….??
WIFE – “suna hai swarg mein husband-wife ko saath nahi rahne dete?”
Husband – “Pagli iseeliye to use SWARG(Heaven) kahte hain . !!!”
:: Best Husband and Wife Jokes ::
admi shadi kyu krta hai?
marne k baad woh swarg mai jaye to acha feel kare ,aur nark mai jaye to apne ghar jaisa feel kare….
Husband WITH wife jokes
According to Right to Privacy now wife can’t ask…
*****
Where are you?
When will you come?
Whom are you talking to?
What’s your program?
Why your mobile was busy?
Whom are you with?
How much are you earning?
*****
All thanks to Supreme Court. I hope I have understood the judgement correctly!
Pati apni patni ka hath apne hath mein liye bajar mein ghum rha tha.
Tabhi Rastey mein uska dost usey mila aur bola –
“Kya Baat hai yar, Shadi ke itne saal bad bhi apni patni ke prati
Itna Pyar dekh kar Dil khush ho gya.”
Pati: Arey, Aisa kuch nahi hai yar,
Iska hath Chhodte hi,
Ye kisi bhi Dukan mein ghus jati hai, Isliye pakda hua hai.

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